We’ve all needed to overcome low self-esteem some time in our lives. It’s that awful feeling that says, “you’re a fraud. You don’t know what you’re doing and you never will.”
But, of course, these are all lies.
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What then, if you live with someone who is chronically under the spell of low self-esteem? Living with someone with low self-esteem can be exhausting. You love them and you know they are a wonderful, capable, talented person, but you can’t seem to get them to see the way out of their rut.
Well, we’re here to help you help them. Let’s take a look at a few practical ways to help your partner or spouse overcome low self-esteem:
Unconditional Love Isn’t Overrated
In fact, it is highly underrated. And really, most people don’t even know what it means to love unconditionally.
What does it mean to love unconditionally? Simply, it is unselfish love. It does not seek pleasure or gratification.
Parents seem to have a claim on this one. Think of when you were a child. Did you feel as if your parents loved you no matter what you did? If you experienced this (and some don’t) you might have experienced unconditional love.
It’s not always being blind to flaws, but loving someone despite their flaws and not always trying to fix their flaws.
If your spouse is experiencing low self-esteem, look at how you treat them. Are you constantly trying to correct how they do something or how they live their life? Make sure you aren’t the problem.
And if you find yourself doing this. Stop. Try and find things about them you appreciate, and focus on those things instead.
Help Your Spouse Overcome Low Self-Esteem With Public Positivity
Your partner got together with you because they enjoy your presence (at least, that’s what we hope). And you probably did the same for similar reasons, right?
Remember when you first got together and everything was awesome about everything your spouse or partner did? Did you tell them and everybody around them that they were awesome and that everything they did was awesome?
Do this. Seriously. Tell the world your best friend is awesome.
What do they do in life? Are they a writer? Are they a doctor? Are they a painter?
Tell everybody that your nurse or your doctor, who just happens to be the love of your life, is the most caring, compassionate, smart medical professional in the world.
Do this both in front of your partner and away from your partner. Not only will it make them feel special, it will change how other people feel about them. Love is about building up, not tearing down. Do this, and you’re guaranteed to help your spouse overcome low self-esteem.
Focus on Their Pleasure
This kind of goes hand in hand with the “love unconditionally” thing we talked about earlier. But how would your lover want you to love them?
What kinds of things do they enjoy? A long luxurious bath? Action movies? Romance movies? Chocolate?
It may seem cheesy at first, but making their pleasure a priority in your relationship will lift their mood and make them feel like the center of your universe. There’s nothing like that feeling to help overcome low self-esteem.
If they are at least the center of your universe, they will be the center of someone’s universe. It seems common sense, but most people are selfish. Once you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it’s easy to forget to do the things that caught your partner’s attention in the first place.
If you’ve become complacent, do things that will make your partner feel valued to help them overcome low self-esteem.
Time is of the Essence
We get it. You’re busy. You are both probably professional people with a lot to do in your lives. But if you forget to spend time together, always seeking that “higher goal” of achievement and productivity, you and your partner will eventually feel very lonely and undervalued.
Take a bit out of your week to spend time together. Perhaps the source of your partner’s low self-esteem is due to burnout.
64% of American employees experience a high level of stress. And that means it’s quite likely your partner falls within that statistic.
Taking time to turn off the cell phones and the tablets and the computers and focus solely on each other will heal the sense of stress and unease common with highly motivated, overworked individuals.
Room to Fail
Are you a perfectionist? Is your partner? Overcoming low self-esteem could be as simple as knowing that failure is absolutely ok.
Failure is a natural part of success. Consider the giants of the technology world. How many times do you think Steve Jobs or Bill Gates failed before they became the successful people they are?
Make sure you’re there to lean on when your partner fails. And they’re human. They’re going to fail. This doesn’t mean they are a failure.
One of my favorite metaphors for a relationship is the human hand. The webs between our fingers are vulnerable and easily cut. But if you hold hands with someone else, if you interlock your fingers, you’ll notice those weak points are covered.
You hold each other up, you cover each other’s weaknesses. This is what relationship is about. Your job is to help the other get up and keep running when they trip and fall.
Your job is to help the other get up and keep running when they trip and fall.
Help a Loved One Overcome Low Self-Esteem By Crossing the Finish Line Together
You’re an equal partnership. If one is down the other can compensate. When one feels inadequate, the other can be more than adequate.
Don’t let life destroy your self-esteem, and you can certainly be there for your partner when they’re suffering from low self-esteem.
If you can, remember to be there alongside your partner every step of the way. This isn’t a race against each other, it’s a race where you finish together, hand in hand.
How would you help your partner overcome low self esteem? Let us know in the comment below.