You’re never ready to accept defeat, especially when you gave it your all.
Competition stresses the best of us out. Many thrive on competitiveness. Others crumble at the first signs of failure.
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Some get angry. Other congratulate the winner. And yet others just walk away.
But what you learn from your most brutal failures determines how well you deal with life as a self-confident individual.
Let’s talk about getting the most from one of life’s harshest teachers.
You can accept defeat with grace to gain self-confidence.
Let’s do this.
The first step is awareness. You’re not your reactions to situations. Your childhood and life up to this point programed that chain reaction into your mind.
Step back from the situation. Be aware of how you feel. Pay attention to your first impulse.
Do you want to cry?
Do you want to punch someone or something?
Do you want to scream “cheater”?
Do you want to make excuses or blame others?
Whatever you feel, it’s very real. But realize that you control that microsecond between cause and effect. You manage whether or not you accept defeat. You control that response
By merely realizing this fact, you put the control back in your hands.
Embrace the Lessons Failure Teaches
We can’t truly embrace the lessons if we do not recognize what they are.
How to Empathize with Others
If you never failed at anything, how would you know what it feels like? Empathy toward our fellow man is linch pin that holds civilized society together.
Imagine a world in which we never considered how another is feeling.
How cruel could we be?
Where to Find Our Self-Confidence
Failure feel like a blemish on your skills and character. But only by failing and learning to accept it can you learn and grow as a person.
When you accept defeat, you get better at both the failed activity and life in general. You become a person of continual personal growth.
Self confidence lies not in perfection, but in a character of acceptance of what is coupled with a mind-set of self-improvement.
How to Put Defeat in Perspective
People who never try, never fail at anything.
That’s a good thing, right?
Oh, wait. They never really win either.
That’s no way to live.
When you put failure into the right perspective, you embrace change, challenges, and new things.
We don’t learn and grow without getting out there and experiencing the unfamiliar, trying, failing and figuring it out.
If you’ve never lost, then winning has 0 value.
If you shut down rather than accept defeat, you never get to feel the joy of succeeding.
How to “Cope” with Real Life
Envision a life in which you had never been allowed to fail.
When you were an infant, your parent remained always at your side. They never permitted you to drop anything. They always caught you before you fell.
Would you ever have learned to walk?
When you were 7, you played games with your friends who never let you lose.
Would you ever get good at the game? Or would you think you were already the best?
Throughout school, your teachers loved you and never gave you a bad grade no matter how poorly you did.
That’s a stretch. But you get the picture.
Now imagine you get to college. Your professor didn’t get the word that you’re perfect.
She gave you your first F.
How would you react?
Each failure is an opportunity to learn to deal with real life and imperfection. Each defeat helps us build self-confidence.
Be Present Focused
The past doesn’t really exist. It’s all in your head.
Are we crazy?
No. Think about it.
Once something is done, it no longer has any mass, any matter and atoms or molecules.
It’s no longer performing any actions.
It only exists in the mind as we remember it.
Rather than focusing on past defeats and the uncomfortable emotion that may have come with it, focus on what’s happening now to accept defeat as a lesson.
Continue triumphantly into the future as a better person.
Treat now like the starting point toward something great, never yesterday or tomorrow.
Learn your lessons and then let the failure go.
Don’t Judge; Understand
We can be our harshest critics.
Should I have done this?
Why didn’t I think of that?
I really hurt someone I love.
We’ve all been there. Acknowledge the difference between judging and understanding.
Understanding is looking at a situation objectively to identify why something happened for the purpose of doing it better or just letting it go.
Judging is just about self-blame or blaming others. It adds no real value to your life.
Don’t just sweep failure under the rug. Take action today to eliminate barriers to success.
Don’t waste time blaming other people or yourself. Instead, put that energy toward getting better at whatever you choose.
If you choose not to take action, make that choice consciously because you know that whatever happened didn’t really matter. That’s an action in and of itself.
If you choose the former, let’s make a plan.
- Accept defeat
- Identify the lessons that the failure taught you.
- Determine what you want to achieve.
- Set goals that are measurable and attainable.
- Set micro-goals, also called objectives. These are small goals. Meeting them helps you know you’re on the right track.
- Identify the tools you need to achieve your goals.
- Start working your plan.
- Get things done.
Accept Defeat Gracefully to Gain Self Confidence
By accepting failure for what it is, we can use it as the tool it’s intended to be. Through it we become stronger and wiser.
Never stop working on being a better you.
But know that in order to get better, you must first accept who you are. Be confident that you are already everything you should be at this point in time.
If you want something more, work toward it. You deserve to be everything you want to be.