Are you always feeling like others are luckier, more intelligent, and more loved than you are?
You aren’t the only one. Humans seem to be compelled to always analyze their lives and compare it with those of others.
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The problem lies in the fact that our judgments are almost always negative. Others don’t know really that much about us, nor do we know much about their inner struggles either.
These types of negative thoughts cloud our judgment. They make us feel inferior and prevent us from becoming positive thinkers who grab opportunities instead of worrying about losing them.
We created a short guide on how you can improve your life by boosting your self-esteem without becoming blind to your flaws.
Positive thinkers are realistic thinkers
You might feel that positive thinking is overrated, those positive thinkers are a bunch of people who ignore how tainted the world we are living in is.
I dare to say that it’s quite the opposite. Positive thinkers accept and don’t hide the fact that they’re imperfect human beings.
Acknowledging your flaws can lead to emotional growth. When you see yourself as an imperfect human being, you’re more likely to improve yourself compared to the those who are defensive or in denial when it comes to their own flaws.
The burden of your flaws
Humans are funny creatures.
They’re quick to judge and point fingers, yet deeply hurt. They also hard a time processing the harsh judgments that come from others.
We have such high expectations of ourselves that it’s almost impossible to not fail ourselves. For example, let’s assume that you’re unemployed and trying to find a job yet nothing seems to happen.
You have loans to pay off and you just graduated from college. Even though it’s hard for you to admit it out loud, you don’t think so highly of yourself.
The positive thinkers would see your situation differently. They know that as a fresh graduate, you can’t expect much from an overcrowded job market. The only thing you can do is to focus on improving your set of skills.
By working on what you already have, you become an expert in your field and you’ll be a lot harder to ignore.
What does someone with a low self-esteem do?
Someone who focuses only on his/her flaws will probably be exhausted mentally by imagining scenarios. All they think about is that unemployment will stick around and loans won’t get paid.
This usually leads to poor focus and poor sleep. You just end up looking for jobs online day and night while you can barely function.
While in both scenarios the fresh graduate wants to find a way to cope with their current situation, positive thinkers seek solutions. Conversely, the pessimist dwells in sorrow.
Why we don’t allow ourselves to make any mistakes
If you’re a perfectionist who can’t stand failure, you probably had someone tell you that failing makes you a failure.
Unfortunately, parents sometimes contribute to this toxic mindset. They do this by trying to “motivate” their children, using the fear of failure to push them forward.
Sometimes it’s not a parent. It could be someone you really admired, such a teacher, a friend, or a relative who was your role model over the years.
No matter what they told you, they failed too.
There is no man or woman on the planet who didn’t fail at some point in their lives. Some are just better at hiding it.
Some have emotional defeats, such as the loss of a lover or a broken dream.
You have to allow yourself to fail and not consider yourself a failure, simply because that would make the whole humanity a failure too. Each one of us failed at something that seemed critical at the time.
Positive thinkers know failure is inevitable. However, they also know that you have two choices: to accept what you cannot change and persevere in what can be changed.
You don’t need your neighbor’s life to be happy
Comparing ourselves with others usually leads to unhappiness.
Sometimes it’s good to look around and learn something from others. But when your conclusions are always negative, when you’re always making yourself feel inferior, you might miss the big picture.
Positive thinkers tend to appreciate the small things. They formulate their conclusions differently.
Instead of saying that your friend is far more attractive than you are, you could simply state that your friend looks good without putting yourself down.
Also, positive thinkers don’t go from one extreme to another. They don’t make absolute statements such as “I will never be appreciated as much as my friend because I’m not attractive.”
If you look around, you will see that even the biggest beauties of the century lose their beauty. Also there are many “non-conventional” beauties that are happy and successful as they are.
We usually look on the surface and we pick superficial traits that we are envious about. But have you ever been envious about somebody’s kindness?
I doubt it.
But kindness is one of those positive traits that doesn’t go away with age and has a far larger impact than beauty, wealth, or social status.
How to become a happier person today
If you look deep down, and you spend some time by yourself, you will quickly realize that most of the things you crave are means to an end.
You might crave more money. But is it really money what you want or stability and the respect that some people might give because of it?
Some people want to become more attractive, so they spend quite a lot of money on cosmetic procedures. But isn’t beauty just a tool too?
Maybe what those people are searching for is respect, acceptance, and affection.
Positive thinkers aren’t made overnight, it takes some time to analyze what really happens inside you and make sense of your emotions.